Mother's Golden Rule

My mom's boyfriend is in Vietnam for an entire month so I've been tasked with frequent visits home to make sure she doesn't go stir crazy. I was happy to see that nothing seemed too out of the ordinary last weekend. Mom's been keeping busy with many trips to the temple and the supermarket. And she's been sleeping with all the lights on in the house, to keep the ghosts away of course.

There were several great moments from the weekend but I leave you with this bit of dating advice:

mom: You remember, nice girl. Wait three month.

me: Eh? What do you mean? Why am I waiting three months?

mom: With boy! They no respect you when you lay wit dem. They play wit you for a few month or year and dats it, no marry. Nice girl no sex wit boy.

me: Play? I'm not a puppy, mom.  But..what if I don't care about getting married?

mom: That OK. You go temple then. No boy is good.

me: But I don't want to be a monk!

mom: Then listen mommy. No fool around for three month. You go out. You make nice. Go dinner, get to know and then if they good, good person...take home and dat it. Sure thing after dat!! Dat how mommy and boyfriend last so long. He could only touch my hand for first three month.

me: Whaaa...it's most definitely not a sure thing after three months. What if they can't get it up? The horror.

mom: What you say?

me: Nothing! Three months, got it.