In my next life, I'd like to be a tree

Visited the parents this past weekend and lasted just under 17hrs before I bolted back home and downed two bottles of wine. A few more trips like this and I'll be ready for Christmas, where I'll be forced to watch Vietnamese music videos and listen to lectures about how I'm living a sinful life. Not sure which part put me over the top this time but it was likely a combination of being forced to sleep on flannel sheets in South Bay heat and then being woken up by mother chanting around the living room shrines.

So there we were, driving to the local bakery on Saturday morning with temperatures quickly moving into the 80s:

me: Um, mom.. Can we turn on the A/C? It's so hot back here.

[Silence]

[Back windows slowly move down]

mom: You must learn simple way. Simple like Buddha. Why you want so much thing? The Buddha not like this. He say, more you ask, more suffer in next life.

me: But I don't understand how that counts when...

mom: Ehem, I no feeneesh. You no respect for thing I teach to you. Mommy tell you..in hell, your tongue be cut. This is the way of Buddha. He say this life the third circle. Last time we can be good and in next life, three circle of life began again. If you do good now, you will not be wild animal in next life. You will be closer to Buddha.

me: Mooooommmmm, this seriously cannot count as an extravagant request if you turn on the A/C in the car?? I'm not asking you to INSTALL A/C, it's already available. In your car no less!

mom: You like argue wit me. Dat why you no husband.

me: What??

mom's boyfriend: Let child be. Maybe she want to be wild animal, next life.

[Silence]

[Mom glares at boyfriend. Boyfriend smiles sheepishly. I wipe sweat off my face]